I am going to be appearing at Mike Carbo’s New York Comic Book Marketplace on April 13th. It seemed like a much better idea two months ago when I agreed to it than it does now; a little over a month from when I actually have to go there and do it.
One of the awesome things about the internet is that I have no idea who you are. You may like my stuff, you may hate my stuff – I don’t even know. I don’t really sell anything so it’s not like I can use merchandise orders to quantify whether or not folks like what I do. I just keep tossing stuff out here and rarely give it any thought after that. It’s really hard for you to hurt my feelings. Most people don’t bother saying that they HATE something unless it REALLY offends them and of all the words to describe this nonsense I do – OFFENSIVE couldn’t possibly be accurate. I draw Ernie from Sesame Street as Captain America for the love of Pete . . .
I have a lot of friends who are probably way too polite to tell me the truth about most stuff so when they tell me how much they love this stuff, I mostly just assume they are being kind.
I like to draw for ME and so I keep doing my silly little scribbling on my iPad. I put it online because – what else am I going to do with it? Art wants to be shared. Besides my Mom has three grandchildren now and there is no more room on the fridge for MY stuff. 🙂
Last week I was at a print shop near my house getting some prints of my Spidey design done so that I have something with me to sell in the highly unlikely event somebody actually wants to buy my “work” at the show.
While I was there I saw an interesting looking guy picking up some giant posters. At first I thought they might have been blueprints based on the size, but they weren’t – they were pictures of Ronald MacDonald with Michael Jackson’s face. Not young cute Michael Jackson – middle aged, creepy as hell Michael Jackson. And they were creepy as hell. They were also awesome – just freaking awesome.
He pulled up some pictures of his finished work on his iPhone and showed me what the prints of The King of Pop juxtaposed with the King of Cholesterol will look like when completed. They looked incredible.
Immediately I got a stomach ache thinking about my own upcoming public event.
They are gonna boot me out onto the street. I have no business calling myself an artist. Why am I DOING this?
When we ran Geekpropaganda, Brother Jobu and I would use the term – “TRYING” as a sort of battle cry when we weren’t sure what was going to come of a certain project or got nervous about following through with an idea. Example –
Calmixx – Are we really going to sit down with Bruce Timm and Kevin Conroy at a press junket and act like we have any idea what we are doing with this goofy website?
Brother Jobu – TRYING. We’re gonna do it because TRYING is better than NOT TRYING.
Calmixx – Ok. TRYING.
Well after a long while TRYING wasn’t good enough and we grew tired of always TRYING to talk about other people’s stuff. We wanted to make our own stuff. But making your own stuff is harder than just gushing or snarking over someone elses work. A LOT harder. Now instead of saying TRYING – we say DOING. It’s a lot different.
I took a deep breath in the copy shop and opened my book with the Spidey print. I explained to Ivan that my name is Calmixx and that I am going to be doing a show on April 13th so I was trying out this copy shop to order some prints to sell. I showed him my Spidey design and told him that it was a pretty good example of the type of goofy nonsense I draw.
He told me it was really cool and invited me to come see his show. Did he mean it? Did he really think it was cool or was he just being polite?
It doesn’t really matter. I’m not TRYING anymore.